


This is Real

by just_here_for_kicks



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 20:52:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13689576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_here_for_kicks/pseuds/just_here_for_kicks
Summary: Nesta sees something that triggers a nightmare. Cassian is there to try and pull her out of it and tries to comfort her.





	This is Real

_“The hellcat now, if you’ll be so kind,” the King of Hybern said._

_Nesta was frozen. She was about to be thrown into that wretched cauldron. As the guards started to drag her towards it, she tried to loosen their grasp on her arms. She kicked and thrashed but nothing stopped them. When her feet hit the water, she screamed, her voice struggling against the gag. She looked frantically to where Feyre stood but her eyes found instead her Illyrian warrior, Cassian, with his wings shredded and bloody, reaching towards her with what little strength he had left. She knew there was nothing he could do to save her. She strained against the guards but it was no use. As her hand, the last part of her above the water, went under, she felt the air rip from her lungs. She was drowning. Everything she knew was being pulled away from her. She tried to fight the urge to breathe but it was too overwhelming. She started to choke on water, her body convulsing each time it tried to take in oxygen, but couldn't. The water felt like a monster reaching down her throat and crushing her soul. She just wanted it to end._

_Somewhere far away she heard yelling, a crash, and then-_

“Nesta,” _a strong voice said_. “Nesta, you need to breathe. Come on breathe, Nes, breathe.”

_She tried but she couldn't. She knew if she did it would just fill her lungs with more water._

“Nesta,” _the voice said again more urgently._

_She knew that voice. Where had she heard it before?_

_She felt hands on her shoulders, the same hands that reached for her when she was being forced into the cauldron to drown. These can't be Cassian's hands,_ Nesta thought _. Cassian was still outside the cauldron, unconscious and bleeding. All she could think of now was that she needed to get to him._

" _Cassian_!" Nesta screamed. " _Cassian_!"

“Nesta, I am right here,” _Cassian's voice said_. “I am here, sweetheart. Nes, open your eyes. I  
am right here beside you.”

Nesta gasped as her eyes flew open but didn’t take in her surroundings. She was choking on her sobs. She didn’t understand how Cassian was here. He was above her looking at her with concern when he should be more worried about his wings.

"Cassian!” she cried, “Your wings- “

“My wings are fine, Nesta. You’re in our bedroom, in the townhouse. Honey, it was another nightmare. You’re safe,” Cassian said trying to reassure her as well as himself as he released  
her shoulders. She immediately jerked upright. He carefully spread his wings out for her to see but her eyes were moving around the room too fast to take in anything.

“No, no, I saw you! You-you were lying on the ground and your wings,” she broke off, her cries were so forceful she was shaking with every breath. “Your wings were ruined and your blood--your blood it was everywhere--I-I c-couldn’t--", Nesta felt like she was going to throw up. She scrambled off the bed and onto the floor. She hadn’t eaten anything since lunch so when she reached the floor she started to dry heave.

Cassian immediately jumped off the bed and moved to where Nesta was.

“Nesta! Nesta, it’s okay.” He carefully touched her back watching her body tense and shake every time she dry heaved.

He didn’t know how to help her understand that she was safe and that he was okay. He knew not to try and hold her just yet when she was still struggling to piece together reality. He knew that if he did she would only feel confined and caged like she was in the cauldron. After Nesta had finished retching she slumped over on him, not strong enough to hold herself up anymore. She was still shaking and crying as he carefully cradled her on floor of their bedroom. It was all he could do to hold back his tears and prayed to whatever Gods could hear him that Nesta would see what was real.

Earlier that evening they had decided to take a walk around Velaris. Nesta was dressed in a loose, pale blue, long sleeve dress that reached her ankles. It was button down in the back and high collared around her neck. Cassian was in a gray sweater with the sleeves rolled up to the middle of his forearms and dressed dark pants. They planned to go to a café for a dinner but when they were walking across the bridge they saw a little boy fall into the water. Cassian immediately jumped in and swam towards the boy to saved him from drowning in the river. After the boy’s mother thanked him profusely, he went back over to Nesta. She looked like a statue, pale and frozen in the moonlight, as she stared at the place where the boy had fallen into the water, her knuckles chalk white gripping the railing of the bridge.

Carefully he grabbed one of her hands off the railing and held it to his chest so she could feel his heartbeat. Then with his other hand he touched her cheek softly, trying to pull her from wherever her mind had wandered. Cassian could take a good guess at where her attention had gone.

“Nesta,” Cassian said softly, touching her chin, coaxing her to look at him, “the little boy is okay. He didn’t drown. He’s safe just like you are. There is nothing to be afraid of.”

She looked up at him, eyes filled with anxiety and fear.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, Cass. Can we go home?” Nesta whispered.

“Of course,” he said, concern showing on his face. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

He took her hand in his and they walked back to the townhouse. She didn’t speak to him at all. Her mind kept going back to horrors she had experienced when she was shoved in the cauldron. When Cassian and Nesta arrived home, she went straight to their room and locked the door. Cassian knew better than to try and see her while she was working through her memories. So, he changed out of his wet clothing into a loose tunic and pants that he kept in the living room in case Nesta locked him out of their room, and sat on the couch waiting for her to emerge. But he must have fallen asleep because next thing he knew he was woken up by the sound of Nesta’s anguished screams. He grabbed a dagger off of the table next to the couch and he immediately ran up the stairs to their room, taking three at a time, and pounded on the door.

“Nesta! Nesta, open the door!”

Her screaming just continued. Cassian was so afraid of what could be happening to her. He couldn’t imagine what would make Nesta scream like that. He shook the door knob but it wouldn’t budge. Without any further thought he smashed into the door with his shoulder. As soon as it was down, Cassian was in a defensive stance, ready to defend Nesta from whatever was in their room. He looked around searching for the cause of her distress when he saw Nesta lying on her back on their bed. She was on top of all the blankets, eyes closed but moving rapidly behind her eyelids. He realized that she was having a nightmare. She was still in the dress she was wearing when they went on their walk, her body shuddering and seizing up. After confirming that there was no other threat in the room, he threw the dagger onto the nightstand and ran to the bed. He grabbed Nesta’s shoulders shouting her name, trying to wake her up from her nightmare. She screamed his name and his heart broke. He was trying not to cry as his beautiful Nesta was reliving one of her more traumatic nightmares.

“Nesta, I am right here,” he cried, “I am here, sweetheart. Nes, open your eyes. I am right here beside you.”

As soon as her eyes flew open he could tell that she still wasn’t seeing everything around her. She started talking about his wings. He tried to tell her that he was okay and that she was safe but that didn’t seem to comfort her. She was so disoriented and scared that after he had let go of her shoulders, she sat up and stumbled off the bed saying something about blood being everywhere and started to retch on the floor.

He moved to where Nesta was struggling to breathe and knelt next to her. She was crouched on her knees with her hands on the floor in front of her as she continued to tremble and sob. He felt how cold and clammy her skin was as she dropped into his arms and slumped into his chest after her body had stopped seizing.

“Nesta,” he said firmly, “take a deep breath for me.”

She was still sobbing as she put all her effort into listening and following Cassian’s breathing.

“In through your nose, out through your mouth. In. Out. Good, Honey, good.” After a while her breathing and crying started to slow down but she was shivering as her sweat dried on her skin.

“Nesta. Nesta, look at me.”

Very, very slowly, she moved her head to look up at him, her eyes still brimming with tears and slightly unfocused. Her face was as pale as he had ever seen her. Her hair had come undone from the intricate braid it was in earlier and was now hanging on both sides of her face, damp with sweat.

“Nesta,” Cassian said as he slowly lifted his hand to brush the hair away from her face. “My Nesta, you’re home. My wings are healed.” His hand pushed her hair behind her ear and then touched her cheek with the back of his fingers. She leaned into the touch slightly, her eyes frantically searching his face and wings for any sign that he might be injured. She put a cold hand on his wings to make sure that what she was seeing was real. Cassian tried to retain his shudder knowing that she was touching his wings just to reassure herself. To give her a sign that what was in front of her wasn’t another nightmare and Cassian’s blood wasn’t staining the floor.

Then she finally met Cassian’s eyes. It took weeks after she was drowned in the cauldron for her to meet his eyes. Whenever they crossed paths she couldn’t look at him. She was too afraid because he was the last thing she saw before she was forced into the cauldron, forced to drown and feel such horrendous pain. But now she looked in his eyes to find a way to tether herself to the real world and not sink into her nightmares.

“This is real. I am real, love. You are not stuck in the cauldron. You are here with me in Velaris.” Cassian said still trying to help her breathing calm.

“Cassian.” Nesta whispered, her eyes finally focusing. Her voice was raw from screaming and feeling like she was choking on water. “Cassian. You’re alright?”

“I am alright,” he uttered as he gently wiped away her tears.

“This is real?” she murmured.

“Yes, love.”

Shakily she nodded finally understanding.

“Nesta, I am going to move you. Is that alright? He asked tenderly as he caressed her cheek with his fingers.

She paused, as if trying to understand what he had said, and then gave a slight nod.

Slowly Cassian wrapped his arms around her and helped her move fully into his lap. His legs were crisscrossed, one hand clasping Nesta’s small hands onto his chest while his other was gradually rubbing circles on her side. Even with his body against hers providing her some heat, he could still feel her shivering. He offered to help her change out of her sweat soaked dress clamping down on his instinct to warm her by surrounding her with his wings. His wings were clenched tightly to his back because he knew that if he did that she might start to tense again and feel claustrophobic.

“Trying to get me naked, commander.” Nesta whispered, her lips barely turning up at the corners. She slowly turned in his lap so he could unbutton her dress.

“If that’s what you want my love.” Cassian replied patiently as he brushing her hair over her shoulder so he could see the buttons. He knew that she was just trying to show she was coming back from her nightmare.

He unbuttoned her dress to the waist and then gently pushed the sleeves off her shoulders. He placed a tender kiss on the back of her neck and felt how warm his lips were compared to her frozen skin. He reached over on the floor where a long sleeve shirt of his was and helped her put it on. He also grabbed a pair of her leggings and helped her stand up on her still shaking legs. He knelt in front of her as she placed her hands on his shoulders so her legs wouldn’t give out underneath her. She stepped out of the dress and Cassian helped her put on the leggings. He pulled her leggings up to her waist and then settled his hands there. Nesta’s eyes never left his, afraid that if she looked away he might disappear. As he stood up, her hands remained on his shoulders, and his hands on her waist. He planted a tentative kiss on her forehead and then rested his forehead on hers.

“Nesta,” he whispered, “My Nesta. My love.”

He moved his hands to her arms to rub warmth into them. Cassian felt her shaking slowly diminish and carefully looked down at her to ask if she would like to lay down in bed. He felt her nod and gently grabbed her hands from off his shoulders to guide her to their bed. He lifted up the blankets, laid on his side, and opened his arms so she could crawl in next to him. Her body was so small in comparison to his but they fit perfectly together. With his wings laid out behind him, he wrapped his arms around her with one hand resting on her head and the other one, arm serving as a pillow for her, was curled around her back resting on her waist. Her forehead was resting on his chest where she could feel his heartbeat, with her arm wrapped around his waist and the other hand clasping his shirt, their legs tangled together. His hands were rubbing soothing circles on her waist and massaging the base of her neck, trying to lull her to sleep. But every time Nesta eyes had started to get heavy and close, she could feel the air leave her lungs and her body tense so she forced them back open.

“Would you like me to stay here with you today?” Cassian asked Nesta.

“Yes, please.”

He stopped his massaging so he could grab a pen and paper from the nightstand to write his High Lord a note.

_I would like to spend the day with Nesta._

_Cassian_

The paper vanished and about a minute later the reply came-

_Take all the time you need, brother._

_Rhys_

He returned his gaze to Nesta as he felt her body tense up. Her eyes were squeezed shut, gasping for breath.

“Shhh, honey. It’s alright. I am here, Nes. I will never leave you.” He said as he lightly squeezed her closer to him.

“Cass,” Nesta whimpered, “Cass, it hurts.” She turned her face up towards his voice.

“What hurts, love? What can I do?”

“Th-the dark,” tears started to run down her cheeks again. Cassian just continued holding her close and moved his hand from her head to brush the tears away, “it just closes in on me and I c-can’t help but feel the w-water all around me. Th-the little boy, if he had f-fallen in and you weren’t around, I-I couldn’t have saved him. I was frozen thinking,” she shuddered, “thinking ab-bout-” her breaths had turned even more sporadic again.

“You don’t have to talk about it. Nesta, it’s okay to be afraid. The dark can be scary but I promise I am right here with you. There is no water. If you feel the air closing in just listen to my breathing, love. You can do it. In through your nose, slowly out through your mouth. You can do it, Nesta. You are one of the bravest women I have ever known.”

Nesta squeezed his waist slightly, listening to his calming voice as he continued to talk to her. Her eyes slowly relaxing instead of being shut tightly. As Nesta’s tears slowed, Cassian clutched the hand that was wrapped in his shirt closer to him. His other hand moved from her waist and began brushing her hair with his fingers. Her hair was still a little damp with sweat and slightly curled from her braids but he loved to play with it and knew it would help her relax.

Cassian’s eyes were watching Nesta closely as her face slowly softened. He listening to Nesta’s now calm breath caress his neck. Every so often her body would tense and her hands would  
squeeze his waist and shirt tightly. When this would happen, he would whisper in her ear-

 “It’s okay, Nes. I’ve got you.”

After a few minutes of her body tensing then calming, he felt her breath even out and her body fully relax against his, her hand that was clutching his shirt and arm across his waist go slack. When her fingers slightly brushed the edge of his wings she let out a soft sigh, curling impossibly closer towards him.

She was finally asleep after a long night of torment from her nightmare. He loved Nesta with all his heart. He was willing to give her the space that she needed, but was not willing to let her suffer alone. He knew she was strong, but he wanted to be the one to be there to remind her what was real. Time passed and Cassian fell asleep with Nesta in his arms, content to hold her forever, until she was no longer plagued with nightmares of the night he couldn’t save her.

 


End file.
